I know I haven't posted anything on here in a really long time, I just couldn't thing of something to say that I either haven't already written on here, talked to you parents about, or just said out loud when I knew you were listening. But I'm just going to wing it because I just had the strong feeling to start writting on here. (I hope you don't mind)So im stuck out here in the middle of the California desert for a month with no phone or really any ties to the real world except for this laptop with slow internet and government blocks on every website from facebook to espn.com, but thankfully this and the Race for Hope websites both work which is probably keeping me from going crazy. Another part of the down time is I have a lot of time to think out here, and as usual anytime I think to myself for more than 10 minutes my thoughts always have a way of coming back to you. I've come to realize you really kept me grounded and stopped me from doing a lot of pretty dumb things. I think it was because I never wanted to disappoint you. And in light of all the dumb things I have been doing the past months I realize I really owe you a lot for keeping my life together back in a time where I easily could have made really big mistakes, and I also see I still need that in my life. Thats one of the things I love the most about you, Christa, no matter how bad of a day you where having or how bad things looked you never hesitated to help me or anyone else out. That's why we all know you're looking after all of us. We need more people like you. I was talking to a new sergeant in my unit and somehow in the conversation you came up. I told him pretty much every story I could think about you which took forever and made it longer with me pausing every few minutes to keep myself together, but despite those few pauses where I almost broke into tears the rest of the time I was smiling and talking about you made me probably the happiest I've been in months. I still think about you all the time and I still get depressed and even angry that you're gone and I feel like I could have been there for you a lot more, but now I'm able to look back and smile when I think about you too. It's crazy to think how much time has past since the last time I saw you, the last time I hugged you goodbye outside of CiCi's Pizza. The image of you walking away for the last time still sticks out in my head. The Race for Hope is in a month and a half away and I can't wait to see everyone that you inspired and loves you. I haven't seen your parents in such a long time and I can't wait to see them. I can't believe you've been gone almost two and a half years. It still feels like yesterday but at the same time feels like forever. I love you, Christa, and still miss you so much.
Jon Cecilio